my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
