She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
