Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize