clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Say something about gay babies.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
