Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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