If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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