shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
