Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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