my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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