So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
