I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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