On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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