Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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