Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So vagazzling was a success
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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