What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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