I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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