Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
