I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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