Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
