Having a random hookup so left but love u
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
