So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need to calm my uterus...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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