why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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