You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
