My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
