so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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