I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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