I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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