why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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