He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
