Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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