Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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