Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
