I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
