Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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