I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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