I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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