just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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