I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize