I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
