Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Nobody cheats on THIS.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
