and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
