bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
