He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head