I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think people are normalizing furries
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
