Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win