Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats