its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?