dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it