i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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