Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I party with great urgency now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
