once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
