i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
