Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
