This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
