Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
