No awkward lesbian experiences without me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
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