worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize