Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
