in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
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After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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