So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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