I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
