He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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