he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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