Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
