my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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