The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
