were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
