Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
