we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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