I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
