i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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